Okay, so I realize the title is a brief Michael Jackson reference for any fellow fans, but this is not about music. Rather, I’m writing about sin and forgiveness and well, I guess I’ll just get started. So I was thinking about forgiveness and sin and realized that I’m not sure that we always get it. I mean, how often do we hold our sins against ourselves? I know I have, but I just don’t anymore. I remember as a child even asking God over and over to forgive me if I did something wrong because I guess I thought if I asked enough, God would eventually forgive me and then I could feel better. What a trapped way to live. A vicious cycle where you think if I can just be good enough to make up for that……well you can’t. We will never be good enough. We should strive to live like Christ but of course we will fail at times. Now that may sound depressing but actually it isn’t at all. I actually really love what the Bible says about this. Hebrews 10 talks about how in the Old Testament, people lived under the law and had to make sacrifices for their sins-over and over and over (kind of like I used to feel). But when Jesus became the final sacrifice, he died for all of our sins-even the ones we haven’t committed yet. Two of my favorite versus are Hebrews 10:17-18 “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.” Wow-not only did Jesus die for our sins, but God’s forgiveness means he doesn’t remember our sins? And so I don’t have to ask over and over for forgiveness and I don’t have to make up for it by trying to do good deeds? Look at it this way. Say that you started a rumor about your best friend and she was very hurt but you asked forgiveness and she accepted it. You didn’t feel better though so a couple days later you say to your friend, “I’m so sorry I did that! Please forgive me!” And your friend just looks at you and says, “what are you talking about?” Confused because you are so overwhelmed with guilt and consumed with this sin, you briefly reiterate the situation to your friend. And so you continue this cycle a few times and each time your friend says, “okay sure I forgive you but I don’t even remember what you are talking about.” Wouldn’t that just be a crazy thing to keep doing over and over? So it is with God-He chooses to not remember our sins! How amazingly freeing is that? So then why do we still feel so bad sometimes? Satan wants you to feel shame and guilt because that keeps a barrier between you and God and keeps you from being all you are created to be. 1 Corinthians 6:9-12 is an amazing passage. “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor homosexuality10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 12 ‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but I will not be mastered by anything.” So the beginning sounds kind of gloomy because we all fit somewhere in the big pot of sin, but I love what is next-washed (to rinse out and remove dirt or stain), sanctified ( to make holy; purify), justified (to free of the guilt and penalty attached to grievous sin). Now it says that I can do anything…..why? Because I am already forgiven! I am forgiven for what I have done AND for what I’m going to do wrong. Of course not everything is beneficial because there are consequences to sin and some things just aren’t good for us. But I also love the next statement about not being mastered by anything. I won’t be mastered by my sins-we can be mastered 2 ways. We can be mastered by getting stuck in committing a repeated sin, but also by letting the guilt and shame consume or thoughts and our lives. How often are we mastered by the sins that God remembers no more? Wow-that just made me take a deep breath and a good look at myself. I actually feel very free and liberated right now even writing this because why should we dwell in past sins and miss the blessings that God has for us? When you are mastered by sins that are already forgiven and forgotten, you miss peace and grace. I want to live a life that shouts to everyone “I sinned! This is what I did! And so what.” 1 John 3:19-20 ” This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: 20 If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” When you have those moments of guilt and shame and your heart is overwhelmed, accept peace and freedom and rest in his presence. We can always remember that God is greater than than our hearts; God is greater than guilt and shame; God is greater than our sins….and remembers them no more.
So I never really saw myself as a “perfect” person of course, but I guess in my mind I never really saw myself as that bad of a sinner either. Now I don’t think that any particular sin is weighted heavier than another, but obviously there are consequences for the sins that we do. I never really saw myself as self-righteous either, but I think that when we are self-reliant, or at least view ourselves as “pretty good” we rob ourselves of seeing the true picture of grace. Whenever you put yourself into the picture of “doing enough” or being “good enough” or even “doing better than most,” we lose the most important aspect of grace. Grace is not at all about us. Actually, that is why it is so audacious. It has nothing to do with us really, except for the fact that we can accept it. We can never be “good enough” to earn grace. I think it is hard for some people to understand fully-those who have never really enjoyed a sin that would be classified as as being on someone’s naughty list, that is. But those of us who have experienced the bad, the consequences and the shame, can probably speak a little better to it. When you are broken, when you feel you have nothing left, when you “hit the bottom” and accept grace, you become free. You are free because it is not about you. You did nothing for it, and quite the opposite, you don’t deserve it. So when you accept it and live free in it and have a bounce in your step because you are not bound and trapped by the sin that haunted you, others don’t always understand. If people know about your “big sin” they may wonder, “How can you be happy?” “How can you act like that when you did what you did?” That is what is so audacious about grace-because God gives it to us in spite of us. But, the reality of the matter, is that we are all in the same boat, right? If sin is sin, then aren’t we all in need of this audacious grace? Aren’t we all failing every day and are in the same position of never being able to be good enough to earn grace? Hmmm, then why are people so judgmental about sin? I guess in reality, people really do weigh out sins, like maybe you having a little too much to drink for New Year’s Eve or you gossiping about your friend is at least better than that person who who cheated on their spouse or that person who was arrested for stealing? I have to say that is not true. We are all sinners, we all do things we shouldn’t do and we all can have the same grace from God if we choose to accept it. I mean really, we are all walking around with sins that we just don’t talk about because others are so slow to bestow grace-we don’t want someone to think badly about us. Wouldn’t it be great if we all could bear our wounds and scars and scarlet letters so we could actually support and help one another instead of judging? Maybe you are in the position of living in the shame of your sin and can’t break free. Maybe you feel that what you did was too bad or unforgivable. Please know that there is grace for you. You are not defined by your choices or your past. It is not about what you’ve done because it is about what Jesus did for you by dying on the cross as the pure sacrifice for your sins. Jesus didn’t die for our perfection, he died for our sins. You can have freedom. I love that my ability to accept grace allows me to bestow grace on others as well. If God can forgive me for my sins, who am I to hold a grudge? So maybe if you have planned some great self-improvement resolutions for the new year, you will consider involving grace in it-either accepting it or bestowing it or maybe just understanding it a little better. I know for me, I am accepting it, bestowing it and am continuing to learn more about it. Romans 3:24 And all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (NIV) So here’s to a 2012 full of audacious grace.
So 7 years ago, on Mother’s Day, my daughter Ella was dedicated at church. She had only been born a few days before, so it was a wonderful Mother’s Day as a new mom. Basically, we rallied around her and said we would support her and raise her according to God’s principles. For a little while now, she has been asking me about being baptized, and today it happened! How awesome that 7 years to the day after being dedicated, she was baptized. Wow-Happy Mother’s Day to me! I could never have asked for a better gift then knowing the salvation of my daughter. When we talked about it, she told me that she always wants Jesus in her heart and that she doesn’t want to be with the devil. She also said she wants to go to Heaven someday. I am usually half-way decent at writing, but this is leaving me at a loss for words, at least creative ones. I just can’t top what happened because it is beyond me. When we chose a name for her, I wanted the name Gabriella, as it means “God is my strength.” Her middle name is Karis, which is the Greek word for grace. I wanted her to have a strong and meaningful name and I always pray she will be close to God. When she prays at bedtime, she likes to say “and let Jesus and God always be by my side.” How fitting a prayer for her to say! I love that her middle name means grace, because none of us would ever have the opportunity for salvation and a home in Heaven if it were not for grace. Jesus died on the cross for our sins and then rose again-He was the final sacrifice for sin so that we have this opportunity for grace. It leaves me in awe that even though we mess up, God can forgive us and still accept us if we will just accept Him and let Him into our lives to transform us and to free us to live the life He has planned for us. Isn’t it wonderful that Jesus was born into this world from a mom, just like the rest of us? And I thought I had pressure about being the best mom that I could be-I can’t imagine what Mary felt, being the mom of Jesus! I believe there is something so pure in a child coming to know Jesus because it is so full of faith and wonder. They accept it for what it truly is because the world has not skewed their views and confused them about the simplistic truth-it is a free gift that God gives to us if we just accept it. Luke 18:16-17 says, “But Jesus called the children to him and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tel you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’” Remember the child-like faith and don’t complicate the wonder and awe of knowing Jesus.
So when I think about my years leading up to this point, I guess I am mostly just grateful that I have made it this far and thankful for the blessings I have (and that I haven’t screwed up too much!). But what is it about getting older that gets us down? Is it unfulfilled dreams? Is it a little gray? Is it the reminder that we might be a little bit closer to not being here anymore? AND I definitely think men age better than women-how is that fair? Like women don’t struggle enough with self-image and society’s unrealistic expectations of beauty! I think it might be a little bit of all of that for me, but generally speaking, I am trying to stay positive about my birthday this year. I struggled when I turned 30, so much as that I scheduled to have my hysterectomy on the same day as to just avoid it altogether. I am sure that everyone has that age where they just stop worrying about getting older and instead, just enjoy each day for what it is, no matter how old. I’m trying to be like that, although I fear I may still be a little too narcissistic to completely change yet! But seriously, I do feel much better about my age this year. I feel that I am a much stronger person than I used to be, thanks to the wonderful challenges over the past few years. I can look at myself now and say “I am woman, hear me roar!” 
So I don’t know what this year will bring, but I anticipate it. And really, aren’t we more like fine wine anyway? The Bible says in Luke 5:39 “And no one after drinking old wine wants the new, for they say, ‘The old is better.’” LOL! But truthfully, our experiences and circumstances shape us and make us wiser and stronger. I love to listen to stories of older patients in the hospital. Not only are they entertaining, but you can find some great wisdom and encouragement too. So as we get older and older, really through each moment of our lives, let us embrace it instead of fretting about it. No more wishing for dreams to come true-let’s start living and make our dreams happen!
Okay, well maybe not officially diagnosed with OCD, but I do have some strange things about me. I like to think of them more as things that make me, me, and things that make me unique (or maybe I am just fooling myself).
1. So every time I mail letters or bills at the post office, before I can put them in the mailbox, I have to look at each one of them 2 times to make sure it has a stamp and a return address label. But, if I accidentally miscount or if I think I messed up, I have to do it again, twice.
2.When I put my socks on, I have to put the left one on first. The same applies to shoes, but if I am wearing pantyhose, I have to put my right foot in them first.
3.I also have a pretty strict routine of how I get ready in the morning and usually any deviation will cause me to forget something.
4. So the next is just a strange thing-I don’t eat white condiments/foods. For example, mayonnaise, cream cheese, yogurt, sour cream, gravy, Alfredo sauce, horseradish sauce, tartar sauce, cottage cheese, ranch dressing, etc.
5. I never leave dishes in the sink-I will wash them or put them in the dishwasher but I cannot leave them in the sink overnight.
6. When I am really overwhelmed or stressed, I clean. For some reason when there is no clutter, I feel less stressed.
7. I shave every day, even if I am sick. I was in active labor with my second daughter and barely made it to the hospital before I delivered her on the hospital bed with no doctor around-but I took a shower and shaved before I left the house.
8. When I am really tired, I twitch my eyebrows. I can also do a strange thing with my toes-but I’d have to show you!
9.If you around me enough, you will hear me pop just about anything I can-my neck, shoulders, back, etc….except my ring fingers. I wear rings on many fingers, but for some reason I just don’t pop my actual ring fingers.
10.I love coffee, and will even drink it if it has been sitting out all day-even without heating it up.
11. I won’t touch corduroy-I can’t stand the way it feels. I also can’t touch finger paint.
12. I can’t stand bugs-I have had my children kill them at times because I didn’t want to.
13. I can’t stand the feel or sound of Styrofoam.
14. I don’t sleep much and I’m not sure why, but most of the time I have to be made to go to bed or I am just so exhausted I just pass out in bed from being so tired.
15. I am klutzy, and whenever I try to joke around doing something I either hurt myself or break something
16. Sometimes my dreams come true-I don’t mean in a fairytale kind of way, but sometimes I “just know things” and have deja vu moments.
So, am I crazy? Probably. I think we all are a little crazy in our own ways, but I guess that is what makes us unique. We are all created with unique talents and gifts, so I guess we should embrace our inner “crazy” and be who God has created us to be, whatever that looks like. I shouldn’t try to be like you and you shouldn’t try to be like me because it just won’t work, and quite frankly, it is hard enough being me so I certainly don’t have the time to try to be like someone else! Besides, wouldn’t life be boring if we were all alike? And I’m pretty sure if we all had the same talents, a whole lot wouldn’t get accomplished. So, just because you are different, don’t fret-it is on purpose. Be thankful for being different and embrace it. Most importantly, take time to reflect upon and seek out your talents that you can use to serve others. Because when you do what you are created to do, then you are truly living out…….you!
So Easter is here. Jesus is alive! He arose from the grave, and now what? We have this wonderful opportunity to be forgiven, and yet we turn away from it, take advantage of it or maybe we do accept it, but do we change? Does it bring repentance and then transformation? Because transformation is what it is really about. If you sin and then repeat the same sin again and again, has transformation really occurred? Oftentimes we do the things we do not want to do even though we do not want to do them, right? So does that mean we are not transformed because we keep on sinning? Maybe we repeat sin out of mere habit sometimes. Sure, I think some sins we can easily say “I will never do that again” and we actually don’t. It is the habit-forming sins, the addictive sins that are the ones that hang around. So what is this hold that they have on us? Why is it easier to repeat these sinning habits instead of being free and transformed? Habits are easy and transformation hurts. I am a very ritualistic person in the way I arrange every morning. I have a set routine and I rarely veer from it. But to transform, to change…..that is hard. People often don’t like change, but I also think we don’t want to change sometimes because it is also hard to admit that there is something wrong or that we are doing something wrong. So what hope do we have for us that are the habit-forming type? Thankfully, we do have help. We have a Savior, a loving and forgiving Savior that will choose to remember our sins no more. “He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” 1 John 2:2 But how do we break our cycle of sin? “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 So we have forgiveness, we have “a way out,” now we have to make a choice, to stay on our sinful merry-go-round or to escape and find transformation and healing.
Everyone likes to hear the bad, the gossip, the low down, the 411-whatever you want to call it, right? What is so enticing to us about somebody doing something bad? Maybe we hope to hear something really bad so when we compare in our own minds, we don’t feel quite so bad about ourselves? Maybe you think, well at least I have never done that!! But is it really better? The last time I checked, sin is sin no matter what the sin is, so you may think you are better, but you are really not. So if everybody sins, why do we ever judge other people? Aren’t we all just imperfect people just trying to figure out this thing called life? Why do we make life harder on ourselves and each other by being judgmental? And besides, where did we learn that being self-righteous is a good thing? Being supportive of one another through the bad and the worse and the “I can’t believe you did that” would be so much better, wouldn’t it? What would actually happen to our society if people were actually there for each other in the bad? I hear story after story of situations where a person does something wrong and that person’s closest friends pretty much abandon them. The beginning of Galatians 6 states, “if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load.” Now I am not justifying sin or saying that healing doesn’t have to happen, but really, who doesn’t need help, restoration, forgiveness and encouragement? And why are you comparing yourselves to others anyway? Each person will give his own account of actions to God-it is to God we are individually accountable….in the end when we stand before God we are not going to say, “well you know, so and so did this and that but I never did that.” You will stand and give account for yourself-you can’t justify your actions or non-actions by what others have done. So, having said that, if you are living by your calling, then why would you compare yourself to anyone else? It almost seems sometimes that we like to watch people fail. Now if you don’t think that is true, turn on the television and watch about any show. The “bad” makes for a good story line, that’s for sure, right? I believe that playing in to these bad impressions of people are damaging to the other person of course, but how can that be healthy for ourselves? So maybe if you want to feel good about yourself you should be doing good and doing the things you were called to do. Maybe we should all just support each other and lift each other up, knowing that at any point in our lives, we could be in that very same position-the position where we have to humbly ask for grace and mercy and forgiveness; the position where we feel the lowest of low and feel like there is no getting out of it; the position where our perfect Savior is the only one that truly understands, and yet even he will forgive you. So if the perfect Savior can forgive you and me, who are we to judge and who are we to not forgive?
Yes, that’s me, the pastor’s wife stating that “I am bad.” So now that I have perked your interest, let me explain. I think some women just want to be a pastor’s wife and are ready for all it entails. I think some women are thrust into and had no idea what to expect and are working through it and learning as they go. I think some women don’t want to ever be in that position. But overall, I think most women just don’t understand (even if you are a pastor’s wife). I know there are many preconceived ideas of what this role should be and look like…..well I’m sorry to disappoint but I am pretty sure I don’t fit into that mold and quite frankly, I never will. I’m not saying that I am bad because I don’t fit, but I think I can come off as bad to those that don’t know or understand me (which is most people). So I don’t write about this disrespectfully, but rather I write this to let everyone peek into my guarded life, if just for a moment. Now, I know people, but no one really knows me and that is on purpose. I feel strongly that I have to keep my life somewhat protected for the sheer fact that my husband is a pastor. I feel I need to protect him and our family and that is why I keep distance-whether right or wrong, that is the why. I love that people feel they can trust me (and that is true) but you just won’t see me sharing all that much. Now for those of you that attend our church, you may have noticed that I don’t play piano I really don’t do much at church. I like to volunteer and help here and there and especially for special events, but it is difficult for me to make a weekly commitment. Is that bad? You may think so, but I don’t. Do you know the why? I have a full-time job. With my job, I take call. This usually doesn’t interfere with church, but sometimes it can. Is that bad? I don’t think so. Do you know what I do? You might know that I am a nurse, but do you know that I have an awesome job where I get to interact with Christians, non-Christians, atheists, agnostics, Jains, Jewish, Catholics, homosexuals, the confused, the hurting, the sick, the broken, the scared, the unloved, the forgotten and everything in-between (and that is just staff members!). Seriously though, that does include staff and patients and I truly know that this is my ministry. The work that I do is the Lord’s work and I have the wonderful opportunity to serve in this way. Oh, and let’s talk about my pageant participation. You may think it is bad or maybe even inappropriate, but I don’t. Now I could probably write a whole book about pageant stuff, but in a nutshell, for me, being in a pageant isn’t about “look at me”, it’s about serving others. I use it as an adjunct to my serving but I guess there is a selfish element as well. For whatever reason, I think I have always struggled with my self image. Being in pageants really helps with that because if for no other reason it forces me to be social and to be poised and confident, but then I get there and meet all these wonderful women and instead of being intimidated by them, I am refreshed and encouraged. I have this amazing opportunity to be with and learn from and develop friendships with these beautiful women-women that are truly beautiful on the inside. Recently one of our pageant sisters lost her husband in a tragic accident. The outpouring from the pageant community has been amazing and I am blown away by the generosity and concern (and yes, these are women that are competing against each other!). It is something so special that you really have to be a part of it to fully understand it. The Mrs. Texas America pageant that I have competed in is an amazing system that has a strong focus on volunteerism and half of the scoring is based on the interview. I realize that everything is bigger in Texas, but this pageant is definitely done right! Well, I have already said that I work, so it goes without saying that I am not a stay at home mom-is that bad? I don’t think so. I am pretty sure if I stayed home my kids would not be as smart or as social as they are. I am very protective of them and am very particular about who watches them and who teaches them. I am intelligent enough to know that I just don’t have the skills to give them the best in that area. I cook and play and do homework and many other things with my girls-that is what I make special with them. So, I guess lastly, I should mention the fact that I am not perfect (I’m sure you have already gathered that) and I don’t try to be someone I am not. I am not always smiling and crazy happy, I’m not always the most outgoing, I’m not always the best pastor’s wife…..but overall, I am doing what I was called to do. I was called to be a servant. Really, all of my life revolves around serving others. I have this crazy gift of empathy and serving-I serve at church, home, work and in the community and maybe the picture I portray to you might come off as “bad”by not being the picture society has created for me, but I am confident that God’s purpose for me is a perfect one. I think I would rather be perfectly good at that then anything else.
I remember so vividly when it started. I was a young high school girl when I was first introduced to my love. My parents always drank coffee, but then I had a interesting opportunity of a job where I filled and weighed small bags of coffee to be sold in a store. But this was not just any coffee…it was wonderful smelling flavored coffee. The best part of the job was leaving there, smelling of coffee from head to toe. Now, I think at that point, I enjoyed the smell more than the taste, but it was just enough of a tease to get me started. So, the occasional drink of Joe led to so much more. In college, I spent many a late night in my room, drinking coffee and studying. Even still, I didn’t need it. Then came my first job as a nurse. I worked an 11AM-11PM shift, which usually turned into much later, but even that did not push me over the edge. Then came the move to Texas and my next nursing job. Oh-this was a 7AM-7PM shift. Now, as a person that for many years stayed up late, many times even all night and then even worked evenings, switching to an AM shift was quite a change. On days that I was extra tired, I would snag a cup of coffee here and there but still no need. Then I had my first daughter…..I quit drinking pop when I was pregnant so coffee in my mind was out of the question. (Looking back I should have not stopped because I threw up about 22/24 hours a day and passed out all the time so that could have at least made me feel a little better).But then, I went back to work. Something had to change-I worked long hours and had a new baby and household to manage-and so it started. I would usually just have one little cup to get me going in the morning and was doing well with that. Then baby #2 came along-what was I to do? I tried drinking hot chocolate instead of coffee but it wasn’t quite doing the trick so I would add “a little” touch of coffee to my hot chocolate. Yes, I was the bad mom that drank coffee while I was pregnant, but at least I could mostly function then. Well unfortunately, my 2nd pregnancy led to a downward spiral of health complications that ultimately led to my hysterectomy (I would like to add that this had NOTHING to do with my coffee drinking, but I should have known I had a problem when I was laying in a hospital bed, unable to eat or drink anything after surgery and was begging everyone that came into my room for a cup of coffee.) Oh, but of course that wasn’t enough so I had to develop complications from my hysterectomy and then I was told that I could only drink low acid coffee. Wanting to be the “good patient” that all know I am (that is so a joke I am a horrible patient) I did try this low acid coffee. Are you kidding me? Can that really be classified as coffee? Let me say that was the worst 2 weeks! I had a perpetual migraine and was nauseated and I couldn’t even focus. What was wrong with me? I then came to the realization that coffee wasn’t just my morning (and sometimes afternoon) buddy, it was a necessity, it made me feel great (I love the first sip), and it was my drug. I didn’t just want it anymore, I needed it. Somewhere I crossed over to the need realm of things and in all honesty, my body really did need it to function properly. Now if you think I’m going to tell you I’m over coffee already you are very mistaken. I’m not even close to being over it, and quite frankly I don’t want to be and don’t ever plan on being over it. Is that bad? People talk about various addictions and their struggles to overcome them-is it really any different with my coffee? Sure, I guess it is more socially acceptable and nowadays, quite trendy, but in reality, it is my addiction. So where is that line and how and when do we cross it? I think some people are more prone to being addicted to things-I know for me, I am very Type A and a perfectionist and I definitely lean in the direction of overdoing things at times. For example, people ask me all the time about how I diet and I tell them I don’t. I just try to eat healthy because I know myself all too well and I know that I can’t handle dieting. If I started counting calories I would obsess about it and be unhealthy about it. I know that I am prone to being like that, so I guess it is good that I can recognize and avoid those behaviors. But the coffee thing just gradually seeped its way into my life where I didn’t even realize what was happening. So often it is that way with sin. Just a little lie here, a little this, a little that-sometimes it seems so small and insignificant that we don’t even notice. And so that is how sin creeps into our lives and starts to change us, most times before we even realize what is happening until it is too late. Sin is like a drug because it is fun and enticing and feels good-until the consequences come and it is already too late. Hmmm……so for me, I can recognize the obvious and avoid it, but at some point do we just say oh well and continue with our sin because we think we need it or rather we think it is too late and maybe we just don’t want to do without it and have no plans to ever stop it? Giving up coffee is hard and I don’t want to feel the pain of doing it and sometimes giving up sin is hard and we don’t want to feel the pain of dealing with it. I know God provides a way of escape from sin, but we still have to make the choice to take the way out. So what do we choose? Sin is separation from God, so would we rather feel lonely with only intermittent moments of “satisfaction” from our sin, or would we rather know the security and freedom that come from living in God’s will?
So currently, my big project in my house is to finish taking down the remnants of wallpaper that are left from the outdated, less than attractive pattern that has adorned my walls for so long. It is actually quite interesting, as it seems the top layer peeled off very easily, but left the under layer to taunt me. In some areas, it peels off fairly easily, while in other areas, it peels off in small pieces or not even at all. That’s when I decided to pull out the steamer. The steam is effective in moistening the adhesive, making it much more manageable. Oh, and then after I finally get the remnants off, I must cover the walls with joint compound to smooth over all of the imperfections. The paint will come last and I actually haven’t even purchased it yet since I am not completely decided on a color. Well, during this arduous process, I found myself standing on a ladder with a steamer in one hand and sticky wallpaper in the other, and realized that “oh my goodness, aren’t I just like this old wallpaper”. I actually just stopped for a moment and even went “huh” out loud as God again was using something in my life to teach me. From the outside, I may appear together, a little outdated maybe (I swear I got rid of my teal sweatpants from 5th grade), but for the most part not too bad. But if you took a moment to peel a layer back, you would find something so much more complex. Sure, you might be able to pull off the first layer pretty easily, but let me tell you that life has made the under layers stick so hard that I can’t even get them off. Life experiences stick to us and they change us. Good and bad, they change us and we can build up more and more layers, even if for no other reason that to protect ourselves. The layers keep others from seeing who we really are; the layers are a means of safety in times of uncertainty to protect us from hurt; the layers are so thick that they unfortunately keep us hidden from ourselves.What don’t you want to see? If you went to the very core of who you are, what don’t you want to see? Would you have to face sin in your life? Would you have to make changes that you don’t want to make? Why do we keep ourselves hidden? Sure, we hide from others because we think they will judge us “if they really knew”, but why hide from yourself? Because in all honestly, if we really examine our innermost selves, would we be okay with it? Would we be okay with our innermost secrets that no one else knows?Would we be okay with moving forward “the way we have always been” or would we have to adjust things in our lives? You may be shocked by this, but your innermost layers are already known. God knows you; He knows your thoughts and your secrets and your fears and your hurts and your struggles and your heart’s desires. He knows you better than you know you, so are you really hiding at all? Just as it can be painful to remove this wallpaper, it can be painful to remove the layers over you. Some layers we can let go, while others we just can’t part with. But here is the good stuff-God can make you new. That’s right, God has something far better planned for you if you will just let him take all the layers off, down to your soul. Then he covers all of your imperfections and makes you this beautiful person that he created you to be. He covers you with love and understanding and patience and grace and mercy and then you find yourself wrapped in the most beautiful color of white, for he washes you whiter than snow. All your sins and hurts are covered in him and you are this beautiful canvas that he wants to show off to the world. He wants to show off the real you-the you that he created you to be.
